well now we know

he thought that he was something special. though he never appeared to be. he was, well still is what some might call an average joe. unfairly pegged as some kind of vagrant dolt. it would appear to most that this doesnt phase him at all, his skin is thick. but, ubeknownst to most of his peers he was a mess, still is a mess, will inevitably always be a mess.

he, no one really, knows why he is like this, or what it is doing to him. once again he doesnt seem to care, he must be tough, must not show pain. though pain runs rampant. it really isnt that he wants me to think that he is the toughest guy in the world, its more that he wants me to think that things don't phase him in the least. he doesnt know, but i can read his eyes... they tell everything. they pierce to the core. if you dont believe me just gaze into them. they, well he, will basically tell you whatever it is you want to know. you will see his pain, and fear, and you will begin to realize his torment, and how well he pulls it off.

i know why he handles the pain so well. he has lived in the midst of pain for a while now, but to his downfall hasnt let anyone know about it. he really doesnt let anyone get close enough to see it. the lucky ones can find it in his eyes. the unlucky ones will never know who he truly is. its funny, he has been around forever, yet he, i, can count his friends, that is the ones who really know, on one hand. the rest think that they know who this man is, and they do, to a point. they really only know what he is on the outside, the way he lives his life, things like that. they will probably never realize what he goes through, what he has to do in order to make it through the day.

but all of that is boring. he thinks its boring, though i dont. it intrigues me, how can anyone in their right mind live like this, and not seek help. i suppose i just answered all of our questions, he isnt in his right mind... he cant be. though who is really? i suppose the first thing that tipped me off to his fragile demeanor is the fact that he struggles to differentiate between what is a friendship, and what is more. either to his loss or theirs. i dont think it matters though. the ones who wont take the time to know him wont work anyways. the ones who are afraid or intimidated by his eyes. thats where he functions, thats how he tells the truth, thats how he lies, how he falls in love, and breaks hearts. his eyes.

to most people, at least the sane one, the eyes arent for much other than seeing. but to a few, especially to him, the eyes are the basis of life. what we see through our eyes will probably determine certain paths that we take, literally and metaphorically. to him everything can be said through the eyes, he can tell who you are through your eyes, and looking away.. breaking the gaze, usually does no good. so, if you ever catch his gaze, which sadly enough is a rarity, look long enough to see what he is telling you. do that for me, but mainly do that for him. he needs it, especially now. dont say anything.. just look. try to discern what his eyes are telling you, or even asking you.

i must be honest, it is one thing for someone to tell you verbally that they love you.. its one thing to show you through touch.. but you dont know love until you have experienced it through naught but the eyes. a word doesnt have to be said, you dont have to be touching each other, it can be said from across the room. it is the greatest feeling in the world. and that is where he puts himself out there. its in his eyes. please, look for yourself. know him like i do, or at least try to. give him a chance, dont speak, dont expect to be spoken to, just look. what do you see? if you can answer that question you truly are lucky. but be weary, if you do look him in the eyes, and i mean truly look him in the eyes, if you hold his gaze, he will know you. your pain, your distress, your fear. and he ,now more than ever, will be there for you. you dont have to be there for him, he likes walking solo, hand in hand w/ his maker. but he will help you, b.c not anyone is like him.

but, you wont ever know, at least not until you give his eyes a chance. he loves you, but wont say it.